On Turning 40 & a Social PSA
Last week, I turned 40. Of course, 40 is a commonplace milestone in society, for good and for bad. On my side of things, I feel, well… excited about it. My cohort of Gen X friends have assured me: the 40s are where it’s at. It’s time for career highs, confidence & power, and especially for women: ceasing to give a f***. But perhaps more importantly, I’ve observed my friends’ behavior and mindsets telling me something way more important. In your 40s there’s enough life in your rearview mirror for perspective.
I think I have a reputation for being thick-skinned. Masculine, one might say. In my life, much of that has been learned behavior and armor, if you want to be Brene Brown-y about it ; ) People who know me intimately, both in personal and business, experience something much softer. Handwritten notes out the wazoo. Sitting with friends, clients, and employees through tearful sessions. And as you may know, I’m on a campaign year for the two to co-exist.
Nearly six years ago, I started Ellevated Outcomes as a place – but actually, not just a place – a profit-producing business, to teach unbelievably talented people, how to be business people who are ellevating how business is done. Helping them and their teams profit financially, energetically, and emotionally. I’d been so lucky to have tremendous career experiences where I was totally confident about the business and financial model for this. That is the standard from which I came. But I wanted to bring this whole other wrench to the plan: run a sophisticated and smart business that makes money while incorporating the whole human. And well, shit. Therein lies the challenge. It is hard, hard, HARD work. It’s not a model that there are a lot (or any?) role models for. It is murky. Operating in the gray. Anything but black and white.
And in this moment, I’m watching our clients… society… myself grapple with this macro, social issue. People are struggling with “What do I want? What are the differences and overlaps between my work self and non-work self? How do my individual needs reckon with a greater collective good? What’s the short vs. long-term game?”
Over the past month I’ve been joking (but not really) that I’m one of the most disliked people in small business right now. I’m unafraid of confronting for myself and others, these tough, tough issues. And please know I don’t say that in a blind and careless way. My armor is looking pretty battered and bruised these days; I don’t take any of it lightly. Nor do I take the immense responsibility for granted.
If you’re someone – be it a Small Business CEO or a contributor and colleague within a business, and you’re feeling the social confusion or tug of war I describe above, I want to make sure you know: you are not alone. Please, please, please know that. These feelings and their effects on small businesses: in money, emotions, and energy are rampant right now. And they’re painful. And while it’s possible – and advised – to take small steps forward, it’s not a quick fix. You will need to invoke difficult conversations and decisions.
And I want to assure you – or remind you (remind us) of perspective. When you have 40, 50, 60 years under your belt… Business learning pits and growth… Life stages and lessons learned… it’s easier to see the bigger picture. To stay focused, consistent, and patient for the greater good. And though you will still experience these deeply painful moments; you are more unflappably clear-eyed and resolute in your quest, be it in your business and life, and the legacy you seek to leave.
As Paulo Coelho says,
Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
So whether or not you’re officially middle-aged like me ; ) today I’m sending you energy and perspective to be the (business)person and human, you were always meant to be.
